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went back for firsthand ministry after a month hiatus (due to the month long holidays in april).

was catching a cab from novena down to cdc and the taxi driver asked in mandarin:

"You live in the houses opposite cdc?"

"No, i'm volunteering at cdc"

He immediately sweeped his head towards me, and mind you, i was sitting at the back and he was driving (!!!)

"Wah, why you volunteer there? You not scared you'll get infected?"

"No. You don't get infected just by contact."

I get upset when i hear things like that and the more it pushes me to help those HIV patients. Up till now, my parents still disapprove of my choice of volunteerism but they've learnt to accept that this is what i want to do. It saddens me that people still think that HIV patients are a taboo and an unwanted part of society to be shunned from. i can understand why people think that HIV patients deserve it. "Well, serve them right for having promiscous sex lives," they might say. However, most of the patients are repentent and contrary to what most people may believe, not all of them are adulterous, dirty ol' man. there are women who got it from their husbands, men who contracted it from their girlfriends and other rather unfortunate cases.

As i was doing my visitations last night, i talked to this old man who was dependent on an oxygen tank to survive. Apparently, his lungs had collapsed and could no longer pump enough oxygen to the rest of his body. Yesterday was the first time in a year i've ever gone up alone to talk to a patient one on one. For me, it was like taking a leap of faith, cause i'm not exactly the most talkative/witty person on earth and having to strike a conversation with someone who's depressed and reticent is quite daunting to me. So for about 50mins, i tried my very best to engage the person in a conversation, asking about his family, his work (before he fell too ill to continue working), etc. For a while, he opened up and talked about seafood (yes, weird topic, haha) but other than that, there were many awkward silences. I guess i can't expect all the patients to be super friendly and inviting (there are some who are so cheerful and talkative despite being hospitalized). Ultimately, i'm just there to hopefully sow a seed into their lives, provide comfort and a listening ear during that hour of visitation. i understand it gets really boring to be in the ward for weeks/months on end. 

For myself, I hope that in time to come i can grow to become someone who's so accustomed to caring for others. In other words, i wana be more Christlike, to be able to find a need and meet it. I'm not the most ambitious person on earth, i don't aspire to be a millionaire or become hugely successful in my career but i hope that in my lifetime, i'd have done something useful with it, in a way where i feel like i've lived a good and fulfilling life.

my fave worship song. never fails to touch me.