I WANT TO SCREAM!!!!!!

i have had it. this is too much...there's only this much anybody can take!!!!!!!!! i knew i was running a streak of bad luck but this is enough, i can't stand it anymore...i can't BELIEVE my handphone's joystick came out and all i did was pull it out from my bag (probably a bit forcefully) during the Indiana Jones movie cause it was ringing and making such a din. AND NOW I CAN'T USE THE DAMN PHONE...i hate this, how can any normal person experience soo many bad things in a matter of 2 mths??!!!


first it was the car accident, then the loss of a bloody lotta hair corz the freaking nurse yanked them all out and horrifyingly ugly scars on my hands, and there was the horrible flight back home with my fair share of VERY terrible air turbulence, people screaming and vomitting, delayed flights because of MIA pilot, unwanted stayovers and LOST luggage. AND that's not all!! When i came back, we got into another car accident!! Some idiot hit us from the back and now our car is scratched and probably slightly dented. And on the very same day, some branch or something heavy fell onto our car roof while my dad was driving and he swerved on the road!! thankfully no car hit us AGAIN!! When i finally thought all my bad luck had run its course, the doctors suddenly dropped an atomic bomb-like news on me and suggested me to go for surgery which would leave a 8-9inch permanent scar on my body and steel rods in my bones. And then they suggested i wear the body brace for a longer period of time, 3 months to be exact!! And i hate the braces corz i look retarded and i can't wear all the clothes i got (unknowingly i got sooo much new clothings becorz i was so depressed, i almost revamped my entire closet). And i can't do simple things like going for a jog, taking public transport, attending people's parties and i still gotta go PA with the stupid looking braces!

I really hate myself now, i hate everything. i feel fat and wish i was determined enough to be aneroxic. i hate the ugly bone that's jutting out. i hate the scars. i hate that i don't even have tears to cry. And most of all i hate this self-deprecating me when soo many myanmar cyclone and china earthquake victims are so much worse off than me. And now this!!! Why did my phone have to spoil on me?!! Do i deserve this?? Have i done anything wrong that i have to be punished this way?!! Why is sooo many things going wrong this year?? Not only for me but also for the cyclone victims and china earthquake victims, do they deserve to die??! Why must so many parents lose their only child? why must a child's dreams of becoming a ballerina be dashed because of an amputated leg??


I don't get it, i just don't get it. i don't want to.

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okay, i'm fine now, i just needed to vent my pent up frustrations or i'll go crazy, mad, insane....

Anyway, jess, glad you liked the present, hope the camera works well, quickly go get film and try it out :) And happy early 21st and i must emphasize, 21st not 21th, birthday!! Sorry the cake was small and all cause we figured that you wouldn't eat a big cake if we bought one. But hope u liked all the presents :) And my long, long letter too, lolx.

Wishing you lotsa good luck(very important) and happiness this year!! *hugs*

today elaine dearest came to visit me and gave me lotsa souvenoirs that she got from taiwan, she's so sweet, i love the anna sui-esque purse that she gave me, and it comes in my most fave colour of all - brown!! and she even, very generously, gave my sis another one in black colour, my sis was estatic and she used it immediately, she wanted me to say thanks again on her behalf, so...THANK YOU SOOO MUCH, ELAINE!!! HUGZ!! Thanks for showering us with so many presents!! But you'll probably not be able to see this, since you're going off to thailand for another vacation!! *envies*

thanks to jie sung, shelle and jess for coming to visit me too! You guys are so wonderful and you saved me from severe boredom!! Thanks for all the gossips and updates, i really appreciate you guys coming down :) I can't wait to see ya all tomorrow and for once, i'll be meeting you guys outside and not at home -_-" And then there's K! Grr, made me wait twice for him to come over and always end up postponing last minute!! *faints* Not gonna wait anymore...k lar, i'll give you some credit, the first time you were sick so i wouldn't want you to spread your germs and bacteria to me...but then you guys postponed a second time. And when u asked me if i'm free for dinner on thursday and i said "Ben Siao Jie not so free lor, i have appointment with my friends le", you said "yar, ben4 siao2 jie3, lolx" !!!!!!!!! Not farnie lor, irritant!!

and anyway, on to another topic, i was zilian-ing with my sis today, just before elaine came over. My sis happens to be the queen and master of zilian-ing, i've never seen anyone quite as zilian as her. Someone really should award her for self posing skills, everyone would lose hands down for sure. Almost every day she has some zilian photos to share...oh well, guess she's chio so it makes it more acceptable. And so with her zilian skills, her new dress that she's wearing and my new black jacket that i bought at centrepoint(and i absolutely love love love), we took a few photos inside the house and at the staircase outside the house (yar, that's how far the extent of our zilian-ing went).

Lately, i've been influenced by the Parisian style, lotsa layers with floral patterns, straight cuts mixed with soft patterns...too bad the only place i'm gona wear all my new clothes is HOME...argh, makes me so frustrated. Maybe i should take this time to pick up sewing and sew my own skirts since i've got nothing to do and rather than wasting my time away, i could learn something useful other than photoshop before my PA starts in june. Which i must say, i'm improving at(i'm referring to my photoshop skills, not PA), i'm pretty proud of myself. At least i finally did something that i've been procrastinating since forever....here are some of the stuff i did using photoshop (i'm not a pro yet, so don't expect too much):

Some are meant for blog headers and some are just wallpapers, except for the turqouise coloured wallpaper, the rest were just to try out the different brushes and techniques that i learnt through youtube(yupz, it's the bestest resource) and online manuals.

And then, for the very last bit of my blog entry today:

ISN'T SHE GORGEOUS??!!!

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Well.... SHE happens to be a HE!!

OMG, i nearly fainted!

Current Inspiration: A short film starring zooey deschanel by ellen von unwerth (provocative fashion photographer), absolutely gorgeous, vintage, dream-like feel and music that blend in so effortlessly...

I've been doing sooo many DIY stuff today that i'm feeling arty-farty all of a sudden...what am i doing studying accountancy, the most B-boring topic ever invented...grrr....i want to spend my life day-dreaming, sketching, writing short stories, browsing fashion photography blogs, drinking a hot cuppa vanilla latte while cosing up in a little cornerside bookstore on a rainy summer's morning...that's life...NOT reading up FRS and accounting principles!!! (which i hafta remind myself to do before PA starts)....

Amaryllis (meaning: splendid beauty)

i have nothing better to do so i'm gonna cam-whore with my webcam and post random pictures and basically just some ramble on about mundane, not-so-interesting stuff and some mildly interesting things and well, anything that comes to my mind, anything that goes.

first off, see that jeep on the upper left, that's my dream car!! Well...not really, i want a volkswaagen beetle but that jeep's got the whole rustic, vintage, ruggedy look which i absolutely adore. i saw it at the Farmer's Market in Fredericton while we were going down to get our regulars (pork sticks, samosas and fried wantons...yum yum). Hmm, but i would seem pretty tiny in it, wouldn't i? you'll probably only see my head...not good.

And i've been wanting to blog about this since aeons ago but i never really got to it because i'm such a lazy bum. Anyyway, in the top picture lies the most good looking ABC, or in this case CBK, i have met during my exchange in Canada. Let me introduce you to Mr McDreamy(*drools*)...the guy in black standing beside the guy wearing red. Well, this picture is sooo blur, you probably can't get a good glimpse of him, i do have another shot of him but he looks ugly in that picture, so in order not to ruin my impression of him and yours too, this picture will suffice because i say so. Lolx. He's korean by the way with a charming canadian accent, sighs~ But for the life of me i just can't remember his name so we'll just call him "VERY GOOD-LOOKING KOREAN"...not very innovative, but whatever. I was attending this chinese speech competition and the people in the picture are the winners of the different categories, my friend who's a canadian born chinese took part but didn't win. The guy in the brown blazer and yellow tee was really cheeky with his speech, while most people stuck to talking about their travelling experience, their life, he introduced himself as though he was in some dating agency...i vaguely remebered what he said...

He said "Wo Jing Nian 18 shui, Wo Meh You Nu Peng You, Wo De Tian Hua Hao Ma Shi 2333467817 (not his actual number, duh, i can't be bothered to remember, he's not Very Good-Looking Korean), Wo Shi Huan Tiao Wu He Jiu (he likes to dance and drink), Wo Meh Ge Bai Shi Wan Shang, Bai Wu Wan Shang, Bai Liu Wan Shang Qu He Jiu Tiao Wu. (he goes dancing and drinking every thursday, friday, saturday)"

Whaddya think? Interested in dating him?? Lolx, you better be able to take your alcohol well cause this guy's got the word "ALCOHOLIC" written all over him...he's rather good-looking in a play boy kinda way plus you'll get a very cushy beer belly to go along. Buy one get one free.

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PICTURE POST (TORONTO!!) --> I managed to spend a day there before heading back to Singapore

I felt as though i was at the top of the world when i stood on the world's tallest building, the CN Tower... looking down, i could see the city's landscape right at the bottom of my feet, it's such an amazing sight! Apparantly, the glass floor can hold up to 12 full-sized hippos, meaning kids could jump around just for kicks, i wouldn't try it though, especially considering the amount of bad karma i've been experiencing lately, i would not be surprised if the glass floor cracks under my weight, and honestly, falling from that height would not be very pretty...

I also went to chinatown, the chinese population there is simply astounding!! There's soooo many chinese, i felt like i was in a mini hongkong! I think toronto is probably one of the most cosmopolitan cities in the world, or at least the foreign city outside of asia with the largest asian population. I don't understand why people would choose to migrate to Canada though, the weather is simply intolerable and everything is pricey. Speaking of which i went to Eaton Shopping Centre and strolled the streets of Dundas and Yonge, which are lined with shops such as F21, American Apparel, Urban Outfitters and etc.

faith

Dear Almighty God,

The Keeper of my Faith,

I thank You Lord,

For bringing me up in peace,

comfort, joy

And more happiness than one could have.



I do not blame You for the pain,

I do not hate You for the anguish,

Corz i know that every part me is every part Yours,

And should i lose a part,

I know with certainty and conviction,

That I will still be complete,

A whole person,

Because You are with me,

And every part me is every part Yours.



Dear God,

I thank You for saving me,

For holding my hand,

And bringing me back from the Devil's door,

I am alive because i am blessed,

And blessed am I because You are here,

You never once left my side,

You brought angels,

And tucked me to sleep,

When every thing seemed bitter and dark.



Father,

You are the potion to my broken bones,

You are the light on the other side of the tunnel,

You are the healer, the pain-taker, the deliverer



My pain,

You have taken,

My tears,

You have silently and willingly consumed,

I am left with only contentment,

And a strange peace at heart.

Father,

I just want to say,

That through it all,

Every part me is every part yours,

And for that,

I am blessed...