random thoughts

just some random thoughts...

was speaking to a friend one day and we were on the topic of "envy & jealousy".

it is strange how the devil tries to intercede with your mind and infiltrate it with thoughts of jealousy, thoughts that turn you against a good friend,thoughts of inadequacy, thoughts of "why can't it be me?"...

I believe all of us had moments like these, when we felt we couldn't match up to people around us (maybe a close friend, maybe a rival at work, maybe a relative or even a sibling). Some may be able to deal with brief moments of inadequacy, but for others, the devil plays up these thoughts out of proportion and it eats into their very mind and souls.

We get consumed in our own jealous thoughts....

"Why does everyone like her more than me? Why is she more popular?"

"Why is he so smart? Why is it that i work so hard and give it my all but it's never enough? Why am i not as smart?"

"Why is she so much talented, prettier, skinnier and smarter than me?"

"Why does the boss favour her more than me?"

"Why is it that my life is like crap and she has everything she wants?"

[Before i continue, just to clarify, i am not speaking of my personal situation or of any particular person's situation (though i believe some would have had such thoughts before). Matter of fact, the above examples are basically what they are, examples, in the entirety of the word.]

Some are able to take these in their stride, run through them once and forget about it while others meditate on them, so much so that it consumes them and causes hate, frustration and inadequacy that torments them every waking minute of their lives.

i definitely had moments like these. sometimes, to the point where i felt that i wasn't good enough, wasn't worthy enough. i would envy others and compare myself with them...and let me tell you, it is often the ones whom you're closest to who you end up comparing yourself with.

it used to affect me alot and i felt horrible about myself, evil thoughts started to penetrate the mind(albeit much unwilling) but the thing that affected me most was the loathing...not of the other person, but myself.

"I HATE MYSELF"

But as i grew older, i learnt that if i spent so much time comparing, i wouldn't find the time to truly appreciate the world around me and more importantly, to appreciate myself. Comparing made me despair, filled me with negative thoughts. However, i decided that enough was enough, the only way to get out of the cycle was to deal with my inadequacy, to take hold of it by its throat and say:

"Listen! you are not going to control me from this day on. Get behind me for i know that i am good and loved and that is enough for me."

Life is not going to wait for me to mope about how fat i am, how stupid i am, how inadequately sociable or popular or successful i am. The clock is ticking and it's not stopping. What i believe in doing is to turn these negative thoughts into constructive criticism

...not as popular? work on spending time with your colleagues/school mates/friends cause you're probably not making an effort to do that

...not as smart? ask for studying tips, don't compare but do your best knowing that when you've tried, you've already won 3/4 of the race, even if you get a B, don't cry over it, because from experience, nobody is gonna care whether you got an A or B or C, it's your attitude that counts in the later part of your life.

Another tip would be to surround yourself with positive people and people who encourage you, who constantly remind you how good you are despite your own nagging thoughts. Of course, i'm not asking you to look for hypocrites who lie through their teeth and only compliment you for complimenting's sake. Look for those with sincere opinions and who will tell you the truth when it matters.

All in all, i'm not an expert at dishing out advices. i still struggle with thoughts of envy and inadequacy but i've learnt to keep it under control and learnt to love myself for who i am. I may not be the smartest, but at least i am sincere. I may not be the prettiest but hey, i'm not the ugliest and when all things fail, make-up does wonders, lol. i may not be a natural leader, but i'm learning to be more disciplined and take up more responsibilites in baby steps.i may not be loved by everyone, but the BIG ONE up there loves me and when there is nothing left to depend on, i know my God is alive and real and that His love for me will never die.

Learn to deal with self-inadequacy and move on.

THE CLOCK IS TICKING.

LOVE LIFE. LIVE LIFE.